top of page

An Unedited Closeup of My Heart Right Now...

Updated: Nov 6, 2023

Life is so good, but I’ve been surrounded by this black cloud.

I’ve been feeling restless-like there’s too much to do and I am just too weak and lazy to get it all done. My house is messier than I’d like and every time I walk into the house from the garage, I see piles of things that need to be given away, organized, cleaned and I add a mental note to get it done… eventually.

I’m homeschooling our younger 5 and often feel like I’m not present enough to them. The twins are in preschool and I’ve yet to sit down with them and practice handwriting. There are so many things I wanted to do with the kids in homeschooling: family rosary every night, one kid help plan/shop/cook dinner each week, dive into incredible read-aloud books on a daily basis… we’ve done some of these things maybe twice in 8 weeks.

I have so many ideas to get the word out about my book, blogs to write, people to contact… but I must save those to do items for after homeschool and by afternoon, my brain is fried and I just want to eat Cheeze-Its on the couch and scroll.

I have this vision of what my body should be. It doesn’t include Cheeze-Its and couch sitting. It includes weight lifting, running fast, lots of veggies and a slim, toned midsection. Spoiler alert: none of this is happening. Well I do lift weights and last night I had chili, so some peppers and onions. Those are veggies right? 🥴

The point of all this is to say… I feel my lack so hard right now. I am constantly seeing what I haven’t done instead of celebrating what I have done.

But God.

Specifically, God through Marriage. Marriage is a gift in that it helps us reorient our minds, hearts and souls towards God, towards grace.

God speaks to me through the Sacrament of Marriage. Matt tells me my mom game is on point lately. What?? He tells me I’m such a good teacher to the kids. Really? I’m not even doing all the things! He thanks me for cleaning the house. But does he not see how messy the garage is!? And as he hugs me, pulls me tighter to him, arms wrapped around my midsection, whispers to me how beautiful I am. 🥹 A very quiet voice inside whispers “believe him.”

Sometimes we need to shut those inner nagging voices down. There is always more we can do, but maybe those things are reminders that we are not what we do (or don’t do).

As we approach a very busy season, celebrate the things you are doing, all of the little, hidden, daily things your family relies on. Take 10 minutes and go to a quiet place (a locked bathroom with some music works well lol) and ask the Holy Spirit to inspire you. Then write down all the little things you do in a day (clean, grocery shop, cook, answer emails, volunteer, teach, wipe butts (yes that counts!), etc). Look over your list and thank God for the opportunities to serve him. Thank God for your family. Thank God for the energy he's given you. Praise Him for all the good he has done in you and through you. Then thank your spouse for all the things they do for you and your family. Nothing is too little here.

Don’t let the things undone rob you of the peace and grace of this current moment.

74 views0 comments


bottom of page